My last post about Knuckles (that’s
my roommate for any newcomers) was pretty well received. And,
as I expected I did hear some stories from people who encountered him at the
bar after trivia that night. It seems that the bulk
of his energy that night was devoted to interrupting peoples’ conversations to
tell them how much he hates me. And
that’s pretty much all the encouragement I need to make another post about all
of his various shenanigans. I do have
some longer stories I’d like to put together for future posts (like the story
of the road trip to New Orleans), but for right now I’ll do a compilation of
some of his more isolated moments of ridiculousness. So,
here are some of Knuckles’ Greatest Hits (Volume 1).
-Knuckles hates most food (and the smell of most
foods). His diet consists almost
entirely of: frozen pizzas, pizza rolls, fish sticks, hot wings, mac &
cheese, fast food, beefaroni, Hamburger Helper, his mom’s spaghetti, soda and
beer. He is also seemingly allergic to
physical exertion. I have no idea how he
is not 800 lbs.
-Knuckles once yelled at me because he didn’t like the way I
was making my spaghetti. He felt it
important to let me know that my ratios of pasta, sauce and meat were different
than how his mom makes it. I was making
this spaghetti strictly for myself.
Knuckles yelled at me because he didn’t like the way I was making my own
dinner.
-Knuckles will leave dishes in the sink for so long that he
forgets that they were his dishes. He
then argues with me about why I’m forcing him to wash “someone else’s” dishes.
-Knuckles has extremely low alcohol tolerance. And he blacks out constantly. The last party I had started at 8 pm. Knuckles was drunk at 8:45 pm. He had drunk 2 beers.
-Knuckles never posts Facebook statuses. After one particularly spirited night at the
bar I woke up to find that he had posted on Facebook “I may black out but I
bang bad bitches.” Knuckles does black
out, but he most certainly does not bang bad bitches.
He deleted it as soon as he woke up the next morning. Good thing I took a screen cap!
-Knuckles likes to turn on music to fall asleep by when he’s
been drinking. The alcohol inhibits his
hearing. One of the saddest things I’ve ever
seen was when I woke up at 5 am to find Knuckles passed out in his room, curled
in the fetal position with the song “Love Hurts” blaring.
-I have also had to ask Knuckles to turn down his speakers
because the bass line for “Gangster’s Paradise” was shaking the living room.
-Knuckles often passes out with full beers in his
hands. His mattress is stained with beer
because of this. Once, he passed out on
the living room couch with a beer in his hand and (predictably) spilled it on
himself. He then stood up, set his beer
on the coffee table, dropped his pants and walked to his room (without his
pants). He has no memory of this.
-There is a bar near our apartment that we regularly go to
(as do most people we know). We know the
owners, we know the staff and it’s usually a pretty good time. One night, Knuckles leans over to the guy
next to him and says, “I don’t like the bartender. She’s ugly.”
It’s worth noting that the bartender is cute, always nice to us, and
dating the guy that Knuckles said this to.
The guy (who knows Knuckles & vice versa) turns and says, “Knuckles,
what the fuck? That’s my girlfriend.”
Knuckles walks away without saying anything else.
-Knuckles has a tendency to take 45-minute showers because
he “starts thinking and forgets that he’s in the shower.” Nobody has ever believed this excuse. Ever.
I am
under the assumption that people will thoroughly enjoy this post. So I’ll probably start working on Knuckles’
Greatest Hits Vol. 2. Keep an eye out
for it.
-Ryan
