Slow start to this
month. You’ll notice a couple of things
throughout this month’s jokes. First of
all, my references to my Halloween costume.
Secondly, I continue with the political jokes, which will thankfully end
after the 8th of this month when we’re all required to use private
servers that are easily hackable by 400lb Russians or when all forms of
political humor are silenced by lawsuits filed by those who are offended by
jokes about tiny hands and orange skin. So, enjoy these while you can.
10/7
I
got my Michael Jackson Thriller jacket for Halloween and was so stoked about it
that I started wearing it immediately. Shortly after, I saw a someone I knew walking with their kid, so I smiled, waved and played a
little peek-a-boo with the kid.
To
any observers, all they saw was someone dressed as MJ smiling at other people's
children. Damn.
10/9
Last
night a few friends at I went out to the bar. At one point, one of the friends
and I exited the bar to go to the bathroom (the bathroom in the main area was less crowded than the one inside the bar). Apparently,
in between the time we exited the bar and got back to the entrance, they
started charging a $5 cover and handing out wristbands to show you'd paid your
cover. We did not have wrist bands. We also did not have cash on us for the
cover charge. Conveniently, there was a nearby ATM. Inconveniently, the ATM was
inside the bar that I needed the cash to get into. I ended up having to pass my
debit card to one of my friends who was still inside the bar to get cash from
this ATM, which charged me a $4 fee, to be able to pay for my friend and I to
get back into a bar which we had already been in.
I
paid $14 to take pee.
Also,
I made this sweet picture of the set up.
10/9
You know
the asshole bully antagonist that was in basically every single 80s movie ever?
Trump reminds me of all of them rolled into one awful orange person.
10/12
I really
haven't done much writing lately. And I think a lot of that stems from the fact
that nothing I write could be anywhere near as big of a joke as this
presidential election.
10/13
I got
stuck driving behind a brand new Corvette (temp tags still on it!) going 19
mph. Judging by the age of the driver, he'd just traded in his Flintstones car
for it and wasn't used to having a gas pedal.
10/13
All the
TV's in the bar froze and I'm slightly worried that I've stumbled upon a tear
in the space-time continuum.
10/15
When
you're time-traveling and you accidentally break shit.
10/19
Is Billy
Bush gonna be at the debate tonight?
10/20
My
summary of last night's presidential debate.
I spent an uncomfortable amount of time working on this
picture doing Google image searches of "Donald Trump" and "High
resolution asshole," which turned out to produce the same results.
P.S. - Trump totally would bleach his mouth-asshole.
10/21
I'm
watching The Chronicles of Riddick and just waiting for Vin Diesel to race a
car.
The
Chronicles of Riddick: Fast and Furyan
10/23
Kahla wanted a picture but I got distracted
because I noticed someone bringing out a plate of hot wings.
10/24
"I
would seriously name my daughter Annie just so I could ask her if she's
okay." – J-Bone
10/27
One of
the most difficult things I've been dealing with lately is that I can no longer
write jokes about being single, but I haven't been in my relationship long
enough to write jokes about relationships unless I want to have to go back to
writing jokes about being single.
10/28
Just a
happy little piece of sectional.
“It's
looking forward to touching some butts.” – Kahla
10/29
In case
anyone needs a last minute costume, for just under $4 you can be a shithead.
10/31
At one
point this weekend I spent a good 10 minutes trying on women's belts in
Wal-Mart while dressed as Michael Jackson.
Because, whatever...I don't need to/can't excuse myself for who I am and what I do.
Because, whatever...I don't need to/can't excuse myself for who I am and what I do.
Fingers crossed that I’ll be
able to post another one of these next month!
-Ryan
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