Friday, March 1, 2024

February '24 Joke Round-Up

 February is arguably the worst month.  This year, we got a bonus day of February, which is essentially winning a kick in the dick.  Thankfully it is over now and we are inching ever closer to warmer weather, longer days, and me not being a miserable bastard (or maybe I’ll just be a different kind of miserable bastard in warm, sunny weather).  I keep thinking to myself “surely I have more to say here” but I have been absentmindedly staring at this screen for 2 hours now, so I think it’s time to just call this good and move on to the jokes.


2/2

Pharmaceutical commercial voiceovers: "You may develop a rare but deadly bacterial infection in your taint."

The people in the commercials:


2/9

My wife has learned to just never ask what I'm thinking about.


2/10

I haven't seen any videos of those dudes building swimming pools and houses in the jungle lately. I hope they're okay.


2/13

I really need a new bedtime routine.  This laying awake and thinking about every mistake I've ever made just isn't cutting it.


2/14

Went to make some coffee from a variety pack my wife got and I found my new nickname.


2/15

According to my latest health screening, my triglycerides are alarmingly high.


2/21

Sometimes if I'm feeling a little down, I'll eat foods that I know will make me gassy so I can laugh about farts and feel better.


2/23

Things like modern medicine, irrigation, airplanes, and the internet are all pretty cool, but cheese powder (Cheetos, Doritos) still might be my favorite thing humans have ever invented.


2/26

Have you ever noticed that we all use the exact same stupid voice when we're telling a story and quoting a person we don't like?


2/29

If I ever reach out to you and say "I would really like a sweet potato" just know that's code-speak for "I'm in danger, send help."  Fuck sweet potatoes.


What a great way to close out that month: find out that I’m unhealthy and then make absolutely no changes to my dietary choices to amend this problem.  Fair play.


-Ryan

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