Have I given up the dream? What am I even doing this for? Just out of habit? Maybe when I’m long gone someone in my family tree will be like, “Yeah, our ancestor was fucking weird. Look at all this dumb shit he wrote.” Wait, I pretty much had this same exact thought process when I started off last month’s post. I’m not even original with my fucking intros. I wonder how much weight my ceiling fan can hold. Jokes!
6/3
I had two batches of urgent orders I had to work through today and in order to easily filter them in Excel I tagged the batches of orders as:
Hot To Go
2 Hot 2 Go
Also worth mentioning that I shared this story with my daughter because I thought she'd appreciate the reference and she responded "Don't you have a team you work with? Are they just used to this stuff by now?"
6/5
Claude AI will never know the delight of a Cheddar Bay Biscuit.
6/6
Imagine thinking it's a flex that you haven't made any intellectual progress in 3 decades.
6/6
We as a society don't talk enough about how hard it is to take a picture of an object we're holding without accidently making it a feet pic.
6/10
I just really like garlic
6/12
In retrospect, it's really not surprising that a girl I knew from college who spent 3 months trying to treat chlamydia with cranberry juice (and was weirdly not shy about sharing this info) turned out to be an antivaxxer.
6/16
I think one of my favorite things about Facebook is watching redneck bigots constantly saying "You wouldn't say that to my face!" whenever someone hurts their feelings. Bro, you're scared of the MetroLink, how about you cut the tough guy act.
6/22
My wife texted me the other night asking me to bring water when I came to bed (which I did!) and Google is hounding me for a response.
6/28
Look, if muffins and donuts and pastries are acceptable breakfast foods then there's no reason you can't have a fat slab of cake for breakfast either. All of this shit is made up anyways.
I had my 7 year anniversary this past month. Thinking I can make more jokes about my wife and marriage now because we’re pretty locked in.
-Ryan