And
finally, we have my jokes from March! After the last couple of days, you know
the drill already. Please don’t hate me.
3/1
I just
really hope someone takes Hozier to church today.
3/2
I sign
off all of my work emails with my full name. Despite this, for some reason my
customers still all insist on calling me Rick. #FirstNameProblems
3/3
I was
just checking out an extended forecast online and it's predicting a
thunderstorm on April 16th. I hope I remember to bring my umbrella that day.
3/5
Just in
case anyone was wondering: Yes, it is exhausting being this awesome all the
time.
3/6
After
what seemed like forever, I finally have a desk again at work. As such, I
probably don't need this picture of a desk anymore. I am considering replacing
it with a picture of myself
3/6
I went to
The Cheesecake Factory tonight but at no point was I actually allowed into the
factory to see the cheesecakes being made. This is bullshit
3/7
It's
Saturday night and the only person drunk-texting me is #Knuckles. At some point my life
got seriously off track.
3/9
I feel
like it's worth mentioning that I got drunk and tried to watch Mulan this past
weekend. All I wanted to do was sing along to "I'll Make A Man Out of
You" but I passed out before that scene happened.
3/10
It's
really easy to talk to someone when you don't give a shit what they think of you
3/11
Due to a
combination of sleepiness and fog, I have no idea where the hell I am this
morning.
3/11
Looking
back on my life, I don't think there's ever been a time that I ate pizza and
didn't burn the roof of my mouth.
3/12
Coworker: "These cookies are
awesome but they come in a really small package."
Me: "I know a thing or two about having a small package."
Me: "I know a thing or two about having a small package."
Yet
another reason why I'm a walking HR violation.
3/13
Our email
has been down at work a lot in the past few weeks, with some emails taking
upwards of 12 hours to be delivered. I have suggested that the company invest
in a telegraph
3/13
I feel
bad for the kids that will never have a keychain or license plate with their
name on it because their parents named them something fucking stupid
3/14
If you're
just waiting for somebody else to be an asshole first so that you can be an
asshole back to them, you're still an asshole
3/16
A recent
study suggests that loneliness can be as much of a health risk as smoking 15
cigarettes a day. That would explain my persistent cough
3/18
I decided
that since I have a desk now, I needed to change out the picture of a desk with
something else. This seemed inspirational. #TopGun
3/19
I
struggle to drink 8 glasses of water a day but 15 beers in one night is no
problem. The medical community needs to reassess their stance on hydration
3/20
I
was wearing my favorite dress shirt the other day and a girl said to me,
"Why are you wearing a purple shirt? Are you gay?"
I
replied, "It's called style. And no, I'm not gay but I do look fucking
fabulous."
3/23
I updated
the picture on my desk again. Just a little reminder that "if I can
change, and you can change, everybody can change." #EyeOfTheTiger
3/23
A recent
study has found that men prefer curvy women because of evolutionary influences.
Personally, I prefer women that acknowledge my existence. And also a few that
don't.
3/24
I'm into
a lot of varied activities/hobbies; hockey, volleyball, bocce, writing, comedy,
music, gaming, cooking and I've even been teaching myself photo editing
recently. I would say I'm a bit of a Renaissance Man but I struggle with
spelling the word Renaissance and I think that disqualifies me
3/26
One
underrated aspect of social media is that it's a really good way of finding out
which of your friends are bigots.
3/27
Sometimes
I wake up with every intention of being healthy and making good decisions. Then
someone brings donuts into the office and I realize how rude it would be to
turn my nose up at them. I just care too much about other people's feelings.
3/28
If you
don't like the movie The Princess Bride, fuck you.
3/30
I've
updated my desk picture again. Because when I look in the mirror "I see
pride. I see power. I see a badass motha who don't take no crap off of
nobody." #PeaceBeTheJourney
3/31
My fridge
is so barren, last night I just chewed on a dish sponge for dinner because I
thought it might still taste like food. #BachelorLife
If you’re even still reading at this point, clearly you either like me more than anyone should, or you’re a glutton for punishment. Either way, we’ve got almost a whole month before I make a new one of these posts. And at least then you’ll know to ignore it.
-Ryan
No comments:
Post a Comment