What the fuck, man, I don’t even wanna write anything right now. I got nothing.
10/2
Thanks to some creative input from a friend, I have officially named my travel bidet Squirt Russell.
10/3
Tough, but fair.
10/4
Farts are like orgasms. Enjoyable solo but even more fun with someone else there to share it with.
10/5
Thought I was gonna get to race Cody Rhodes. He wasn't even there.
10/8
Me any time someone mentions Rep. Mary Miller
10/8
One of the things I love about my wife is that she hid a little love note in my bag when I left on a trip. But the reason I know she's perfect for me is that she hid the note with my travel bidet (Squirt Russell) because she knew that I'd be sure to find it as soon as I got to my hotel room.
10/10
There's a cow pie bingo event in town today. Nobody has ever cared that much or made wagers on where I poop.
10/16
Idk why dude soaps always gotta try so hard with scents like "Steel & Anger" or "Leather & Aggression." I just showered with some Strawberry Delight bodywash and I feel fucking amazing.
10/16
Every single day just feels like another indictment of this country's standards of education.
10/17
My wife made me a little crafty gift. She gets me. 
10/20
I would love to have a personal wave pool because the worst part of any wave pool is the other people that are in the wave people.
10/27
I feel like I have recently gained a much deeper appreciation of Leslie Knope's struggle to accomplish anything helpful for all of the dumbass citizens of Pawnee.
That’s it.
-Ryan