Monday, May 1, 2017

April 2017 Joke Round-Up

                Oh my, would you look at this sad, short little joke round up this month?  On the bright side, I finally got out a new post that wasn’t just a bunch of jokes, which is good because I didn’t write shit for jokes this month.  If you don’t follow hockey, the Blues are in the playoffs right now and that pretty much dominates my life, which is unfortunate because I really am not emotionally stable enough for playoff hockey; it’s got my feelings all in a tizzy and I’m constantly on edge.  Work has also been kicking my butt, as we switched over to a new computer system at the beginning of the month, so I’ve basically just come home and collapsed in front of the tv after work all the time.  Those are all excuses.  These are all jokes.

Seriously, how many of these joke April Fool's Day articles being released today does Donald Trump totally believe? And what policy decisions will we have to suffer through because of it? #FakeNews?

While switching over my laundry I noticed one sock that had fallen on the floor and not made it into the washer. I put in the dryer anyways because I figured if it hung out with the other clothes long enough it would be clean by association.

Just in case anyone was confused, this is not jorts weather yet.

I heard Carson Daly doing a radio ad for Taco Bell in which he forced a Spanish inflection on his pronunciation of Doritos Locos Tacos. I feel like this means he clearly doesn't understand Doritos or Taco Bell.

Bought a portable charger for my phone. Pretty excited that I can now take even longer poops.

I think "Good" is a bit strong of a word. Really, I think today should have been called "Mediocre Friday."

My phone still has yet to figure out that at no point have I ever meant to say "ducking" but I have managed to teach it "Tarasenko" and I feel like that's a personal victory.

The best part about allergy season is that sneezing constantly gives me plenty of opportunity to tell people that I'm allergic to their bullshit.

"I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one to stay" - Lady Gaga, Million Reasons
Look, if you've got a hundred million reasons to do anything, you should just fucking do it unless the one reason to the contrary is because it will cause the imminent death of millions of people through nuclear fallout.

I used the Pythagorean Theorem at work today to help plan for the building of a display box. I feel like I need to begrudgingly thank my high school geometry teacher now.

                Hopefully, you’re not ready to give up on me yet and you’ll let me make it up to you by continuing to post disappointing articles for you.