At the time of writing this, I only just realized that tomorrow is June, so I’m not sure if that means that I thought there was a May 32nd or what was going on, but this whole thing has taken me by surprise. It’s been a very busy month for me, both personally and professionally. And I feel like I illustrated that well in my jokes about eating hot wings and talking to my friends about going to the bathroom; I’m clearly at the top of my game at this point of my life. Are the wings and the bathroom habits related? I’ll leave that for you to decide, Dear Reader. Here are jokes.
5/2
Maybe Earth's nickname being "The Blue Planet" isn't because of the water but because we're all fucking depressed.
5/3
Is someone really your friend if you can't freely talk to them about bathroom habits?
5/7
If I won the lottery I wouldn't tell anybody, but there would be signs.
5/8
Lots of phone and internet services down in town today. Live look at how I'm handling it.
5/18
If it's not already a thing, they need to put an ice cream shop & soda fountain in Disney World and call it Malt Disney.
5/20
The more I think about it, the sport of figure skating had somebody take out their competition with a metal pipe to the knee, so maybe professional wrestling isn't actually that far-fetched.
5/23
I had a good day at work with a lot of really nice things said about me.
But what I'm actually most proud of today is that I made it through an entire movie without having to take a bathroom break.
5/27
Idk, I felt like I needed to make this.
5/27
I guess this is what I'm doing today.
5/30
Not gonna lie, I'm kinda peeved that this news about the Trump verdict is preempting Jeopardy. I was so ready to get my trivia on.
June is going to be great as we officially start the best part of the year: Summer. And I will be happily sitting my ass in some water with a cold beverage. I’m about to be in my Shirtless Era.
-Ryan