Wednesday, July 1, 2020

June 2020 Joke Round-Up

As far as months go, June was definitely one of them.  I did some things, I wrote some jokes, I even wrote a brand spanking new post for the blog all about what I’d been doing during the pandemic, which you should totally read if you haven’t already because it is definitely a thing that I wrote which you may or may not find amusing.  I celebrated my first anniversary with my wife, which was really exciting because I’m still not sure how she’s not tired of me yet (I’m constantly tired of me).  Anyway, if you’re also not tired of me, here are some jokes. 

My wife and I discussed it and together we decided that since the kids are done with school for the summer I don't have enough stress anymore, so I'm going to start teaching them Spanish. 

Playing Mario Party with the family and all of our characters were bunched up in one area of the board. 
Abby: "We're all together, we're gonna get sick. We're gonna get corona." 

My dog really wants to go camping. 

My loving wife: "It looks like when they do makeovers on homeless people." 

NASCAR has decided to prohibit the Confederate flag at its events, which has angered many of their fans. Personally, I think a creative solution would be to wave that flag for the car in last place, as it has historically been used by losers. 

I don't think I've ever seen someone share a video of a dude ranting in his vehicle and thought, "I bet there's some real enlightening points of view expressed there." 

My daughter just asked to eat leftover Chinese food for breakfast. I'm glad that I've been able to influence her eating habits. 

Since it's Father's Day I thought it would be fun to tell a story about a memory with my dad from many years ago. 
When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city, to see a marching band.... 

Yesterday was my first wedding anniversary. Not like I was gonna forget it (I swear!) but I still put it in my phone's calendar to be safe. 

My wife and I both had appointments at the chiropractor yesterday evening. I paid for her's so we could call it a date night. #Romantic 

My wife used my D&D notebook to write our grocery list. I told her to make sure she looks at the correct page when she's at the store or she may come home with caltrops, a longsword, and 50 feet of rope instead of milk, eggs, and fabric softener. 

Honestly, reading Qanon conspiracy theories is like reading someone's refrigerator after they let their toddler go nuts with the poetry magnets. 

It would be awful cool if America could figure their shit out with the pandemic, follow some basic safety guidelines and get numbers low enough to start moving forward again like the rest of the world has already figured out.  It’s hard to write jokes when I’m just commuting from my bedroom to the kitchen to the basement every day.