I don’t even know how to intro. Let’s just fucking go. I started off September pretty promising on the writing-front. Leveled off slightly in the middle, and then completely shit the bed at the end. But I did sneak in a whole new original piece of writing that isn’t just a lazy copy-paste job of jokes that I wrote coupled with a diary entry. Those ice cream sandwiches are fucking good. I was INSPIRED. By food. I love food and that definitely shows in the things that I write. Food and farts, that’s how I can be summed up as a person. So these jokes, though.
9/4
Hot sauce does a great job of warming your insides, so it's basically like a substitute for being loved.
9/5
If I'm being honest, one of my life goals is to be the type of person that, when I'm not in a room and my name comes up, people have positive things to say about me.
But I'm still struggling to have positive things said about me while I'm in the room, so I may not be realistic with my goal-setting.
9/5
I think the really cool thing about not being able to sleep at night is that I get to make sure I feel like complete ass for my workday while also not having anything enjoyable to do right now to make feeling like ass even be worth it.
9/5
Historically, sleep has been the only surefire way to keep myself from snacking so insomnia is terrible for my diet plan.
9/6
There's a strange sound funnel in my neighborhood near my house where I can very clearly hear people talking across the street from my master bathroom, almost as if they were standing in the bathroom with me. I really hope this sound funnel does not work both ways…
9/6
Pure excitement. Every time.
9/10
I have a healthy relationship but an unhealthy diet.
9/11
I stuck my head out the door for a second to bring the dogs in and one of my neighbors saw me and called me over to chat for a bit about some workers needing to cut through my yard to get to his. What shirt was I wearing? #NoRegrets
9/13
I don't have any tattoos, they aren't really my thing. But on the off chance I ever got one, it'd have to be something that's really important to me…
9/18
About 2 weeks ago I posted this letter that I sent to FatBoy Ice Cream raving about how much my wife and I enjoy their product. They sent me back a letter and a voucher for a free item.
This officially makes this the most (and only) profitable piece of comedy that I've ever written.
https://www.lastplacetrophies.com/2024/09/fatboy-caramel-cashew-cookie-sandwich.html
9/19
I don't know if I actually like eating beans or if I've just convinced myself that I like eating them because I like farting.
9/19
I use the phrase "see how the sausage is made" an awful lot for a guy who has never made sausage.
9/25
I'm really glad my underwear comes in a resealable bag for maximum freshness.
9/29
It's a little sad that I'm playing a game called "Golf With Your Friends" by myself.
And now I will close this out by complaining about the fact that it is officially fall and that is ass.
-Ryan