Honestly, I haven’t got a clue what to write for this intro. I just got back from taking my daughter to buy some nails and makeup for a school dance (obligatory, these kids are growing up so fast) and I’m waiting for the start of the Blues/Jets game, so I have like 45 minutes where I could potentially shut my brain off for a bit but instead I have decided that I absolutely have to write out this little blurb for this blog that may or may not have at some point just evolved into a real journal, or it might be a memoir but I honestly am not really sure that I fully understand what a memoir is (gonna Google that real quick, actually). Okay no, I do not think this qualifies as a memoir. Maybe thousands of years from now someone will dig a server out of the rubble, recover the data on it and find this blog. Most of human history will have been wiped from existence so they will have no reason not to believe that San Diego isn’t German for “a whale’s vagina.” This will be my mark on history.
4/2
Someday I will figure out how to stop burning things in the air fryer that we have had for 2 years, but today is not that day.
4/4
Every episode of WWE programming from January thru April.
4/7
One of my buddies told me that he has a recurring nightmare that he drops his keys into the porta-potty at the construction sites he has to visit for work.
Not gonna lie, if I dropped my keys into a porta-potty, I'd post my car on marketplace and hail an Uber. No going back, that is someone else's problem now.
4/9
Time for another episode of "Me Making Fabulous First Impressions". Last night I told a table full of people who I had just met "I don't have an OnlyFans because both my feet and butthole are unattractive."
Follow me for more tips on how to make friends.
4/10
The phrase "he's playing chess while everyone else plays checkers" doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. If the agreed upon game is checkers, then the person playing chess is in the wrong. If Steph Curry rode a horse onto the court and started swatting the ball with a mallet nobody would say, "Big brain move, he's playing polo while everyone else plays basketball," they'd say, "Yeah, he's clearly lost his mind."
Nevermind the fact that most of the people I see using this chess/checkers idiom still actively struggle with the rules to Candyland.
4/16
My son has kicked off a subs vs. dubs debate and the argument is currently consuming the family.
4/20
Me when that deviled egg platter comes out at family gatherings.
4/24
Barclay felt he needed some input on my meetings today.
4/29
My son has to do a report on Germany for his geography class. Being the great dad that I am, I told him there are many places here whose names are derived from their language, such as San Diego which is German for "a whale's vagina."
To be potentially the last memory of the movie Anchorman in a post-apocalyptic world is not a responsibility I take lightly. I feel important.
-Ryan
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