Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Lasties

            I think it’s about time that I addressed the elephant in the room.  No, that’s not a fat joke.  I’m sure that absolutely nobody is wondering where I cam up with the name “Last Place Trophies,” but I’m going to tell you anyways because I need new content and it’s easy to write about (I hear women find honesty attractive, I hope I’m doing it right).   I also like to think that the subtitle for the blog, “My Proudest Failures,” helps clear up some of the confusion of what a last place trophy is, but I’m a guy and I don’t quite understand things like subtlety, nuance or inferred meanings so I’m going to talk about it for a few paragraphs.

            Last place trophies are those stories you tell people, not because you did something cool or impressive, but because you did the opposite.  We all have stories to tell that are hilariously embarrassing.  Those moments that are painfully awkward, but humorous enough that we don’t mind sharing.  The stories you laugh about with your friends because of how dumb you are.  Whether it be a date that you took to McDonald’s, an interview you accidentally said “I love you” at the end of, the time you split your pants at the grocery store, or when you drunkenly passed out in the bathroom of a Mexican restaurant, we all have last place trophies.

            I could make this whole blog a bunch of stories about how cool and suave I am (lies), but I doubt anyone would want to read that.  Instead, because I lack the sensibility to be ashamed of my own idiocy, I share awkward moments and dumb decisions with the entirety of the internet (or my 3 regular readers) for cheap laughs.  And I’m kind of ok with that (I desperately want to be popular).

            You’re probably also saying, “This makes all of the sense possible!  It must have taken you forever to come up with such a great name for your blog!”   And, you’d be terribly wrong (though I do appreciate your imaginary enthusiasm).  I actually came up with a handful of names that I liked much better (and may possibly tell you one day…), but the internet is home to many people and I quickly found out from Google that my original ideas weren’t quite as original as I had previously believed.  After a quick and intense (desperate) brainstorming session with my hair stylist (I take my hair cuts seriously), I blurted out “Last Place Trophies!”  She only kind of liked that name and so that’s what I settled with because I had already wasted 3 weeks trying to come up with a name and I will never become a famous internet phenomenon if I spend all of my time thinking. 

            So, there you have it, the origin and meaning behind Last Place Trophies.  Maybe it’ll catch on and be like an actual award some day.  They’ll be called “Lasties” and the trophies will be made out of paper mache and glitter, because nothing says, “I should be ashamed of myself” quite like glitter.


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