Thursday, April 3, 2014

April Showers

            It’s been a stormy couple of days here in the Midwest, and that makes this post topical!  I don’t know (or care) how anyone else feels about storms; I love them.  There’s something awesome about the raw power of Mother Nature.  To see the wind bending trees and the skies exploding with electricity is amazing.  Plus, storms can convey so many emotions (in movies).  I mean, what’s a dramatic scene without pouring rain? Need a spooky scene?  Why not a thunderstorm? What better way to show sadness that gloomy skies and pouring rain?  And on the opposite side, rain can also show happiness, renewal and a fresh start like when Andy Dufresne escapes prison in The Shawshank Redemption (by the way, who could honestly put Morgan Freeman in prison?).  If only it were so easy to show all of these emotions in real life.


            Ok, I’ve lost track of where I was going (something with movies?).  Now, personally I don’t understand why people get so scared of storms.  As a red-blooded, American male who craves adrenaline rushes and has learned everything he knows from movies, storms just seem fantastic to me.  And I guess it wasn’t really until the age of Facebook that I realized that not everyone feels the same way.   These days, I see countless people posting about how terrified they are of storms, and living in the Midwest I don’t honestly know how you can function if you’re scared of storms.  That’s like living in Australia and being afraid of anything that can kill you (because everything in Australia is trying to kill you).  My friends post status updates galore to the tune of “Oh no, sirens”, “I hate storms”, “Power is out”, “Hiding in the basement”, etc.  Meanwhile, I’ve tagged myself as “in a tree” (long story…actually, not long, just dumb).

            So, maybe I can enlighten some people as to why storms are great.   First off, as we know, the three main elements of a storm are thunder, lightening and rain.

Rain, Thunder, Lightning

Sure, when all three are together they seem pretty formidable, but remember that old Jack Burton can best them all any day of the week. And also, look at those ridiculous hats!

            “But what about tornadoes?” you may ask (stop interrupting).  Okay, so you’ve conquered your fear of the Big 3 but now you’re worried about a little wind?  In the past couple of years, I’ve been within a few hundred yards of 2 separate tornadoes and I’ve also seen the movie Twister, so I think you can trust me when I say that tornadoes have no interest in hurting people.  They’re really like Lennie from Of Mice and Men (I haven’t read the book but I remember all the times it was referenced in Looney Tunes).  Tornadoes are just big oafs that want to play and don’t know their own strength.  And they’re especially fond of animals (cows, really).

I will hug him, and pet him, and squeeze him"

            And, if you look at one of our most well known historical documentaries about severe weather on the plains of Kansas, you’ll see that the end game of being swept up in a tornado is that you get to go to Oz, pick up a sweet pair of shoes, party with midgets and make friends with a robot.  Where’s the downside?

Or possibly learn how to Moonwalk from a scarecrow

                You know, there is actually a pretty good chance that I need to watch more Weather Channel and fewer movies.


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