I usually write these on the last day of each month so that they are ready to post first thing in the morning on the first day of the month. That did not happen last night because I was still in vacation mode, so now I am scrambling to put words to paper and sum up what I was doing last month and why it resulted in me only writing 8 jokes and also sprinkle in some lame-ass promise to write more jokes and do better in the future when deep down everyone knows that this is simply who I am and I will never get better. So these jokes…
6/7
I'd probably have an easier time falling asleep if I could figure out what to do with my arms.
6/10
I went to the doctor to check out some abdominal pains. My wife and I are discussing the results like adults.
6/11
I am a trusting person, but one thing I absolutely do not trust is the cooking instructions for frozen pizzas that say "place pizza directly on oven rack." No thank you, I will use a pizza pan.
6/17
Me: "What are you gonna have for lunch?"
My daughter: "Brownies."
Okay, I can get on board with this.
6/22
The last few days my son has been at camp and my wife and daughter have been on a girl's trip. I still closed the door when I used the bathroom because I didn't want the dogs peeking at me.
6/23
If golf video games really wanted to be realistic, they'd add a button for me to throw my club in the lake after 6-putting.
6/24
I don't know how to make a reasonable amount of French toast. Every time I make French toast it looks like I'm having anxiety about starting my own paper company.
6/25
One of my bigger regrets in life is all the time I wasted not eating butter pecan ice cream because I thought it was "an old person flavor."
If I’m being honest, life is going pretty well and that just makes it hard to be funny because humor just comes more naturally when you’re cracking jokes to distract from life’s misery; we all know it’s true. But on that note, I sure hope I continue to have no trauma-induced inspiration for jokes any time soon.
-Ryan
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