January 2026 Joke Round-Up

  Holy shit, just seeing my first joke from last month made me realize how absolutely chock full of fuckery January was because with the latest Epstein file drop, the murdering of people in the street, the kidnapping of 5-year old’s, etc I totally forgot that Venezuela also happened this month. In things that were not awful reminders of the downfall of this country, I personally kicked off the month with some outdoor hockey with my yearly Winter Classic tournament and ended it with Wing Fling, so that was pretty cool.  Started playing a pirate game too and as I’m thinking about it right at this moment, I don’t know if I am actually still enjoying the game or just hyper-focused on grinding out the next ship upgrade.  I need more dubloons and purified saltpeter.  Let’s wrap this shit up and look at the jokes.

1/3

Watching this press conference about the US invading a sovereign nation.

1/5

Driving the family van and singing along to angsty pop-punk songs from the 00s is my vibe

1/6

Any time there is a post about American democracy, you can 100% tell who never passed 8th grade social studies by the fact that they excitedly hop into the comments to say "We're a republic, not a democracy!!"

1/6

Imagine that 5 years ago we all sat down and watched the same episode of Friends. And then the president not only denied the events of the episode we all collectively watched, but made an official government website about how what we all witnessed didn't actually happen and that Ross didn't actually sleep with the girl from the copy shop. And even though we definitely all watched the episode and know that he did sleep with her, supporters of the president all decided to just ignore the reality we all experienced and parrot his blatantly false claim that Ross didn't sleep with the copy shop girl.  Man, that would definitely require some weird-ass mental gymnastics.

1/9

I dreamt that I was watching some new TV show and there was a joke I thought was so funny that the rest of the dream was me telling other people to watch this hilarious show.

Unfortunately, upon waking up I could not remember the joke and I'm actually kind of wondering if the joke I can't remember ever even really existed or was just a plot point my brain used to push forward the rest of the dream.

1/9

Having an impact on those around me.

1/13

I feel like I should be drinking rum while I play this pirate game. For the immersion.

1/16

I guess there were snow flurries last night, but it really looks like the Winchester brothers wanted to make sure no demons got into our vehicles.

1/22

Can someone please explain to me why dudes have this obsession with starting new business pages and posting shit like "WE'VE ALL HAD OUR BATTLES AND EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE HOBBLED US, WE PERSEVERE THROUGH KNOWING THAT THE WE CAN NEVER BE BROKEN.  GOD SMILED ON ME AND TAUGHT ME THE CALL OF THE WILD THAT I CROON IN UNISON WITH MY BROTHERS. THAT'S WHAT (insert lame brand name) IS ALL ABOUT AND WHY WE SELL TSHIRTS”

Yeah, pretty shitty month for jokes. Gonna go check in on my pirate game now.

Ryan

December 2025 Joke Round-Up

  As is tradition, my December round up is the only one of the year that I actually write on the 1st of the following month.  It used to be because I was out at the bar partying it up for NYE and now it’s because my NYE is sitting in the basement with my family playing video games together just trying desperately to make it to midnight.  This is the most stereotypical-ass “look at how things change when you get older” post ever; let’s just go ahead and stop with that.  I came out of the gates hot in December the first few days and then by the end of the month apparently I had nothing at all to be joking about? Well, I guess several of those days at the end of the month I was passed out in bed with ‘rona for the entire day.  Anyways, the holidays are officially over and now we enter the stretch of the year with the longest amount of time between those sweet sweet paid holidays.  Neat.  I will make myself feel better by eating an entire shrimp ring today.

12/3

I don't mean to brag, but I feel like making a bilingual, Christmas-themed "your mom" joke is pretty impressive.

12/3
I have walked back and forth between the kitchen and bedroom 3 times because I'm indecisive about whether I want to eat something or change clothes first and I could've done both of those things already in the time I've wasted.

12/4

Me to myself looking for something to eat this morning: "Bro, fuck it. Nothing in life matters, just eat some fish sticks for breakfast."

12/5

GET THE ENTIRE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THIS BULLSHIT

12/8

When I die I want my wife to build me a casket out of wooden pallets and then post it on Pinterest.

12/13

So cozy

12/13

What?

12/21

Me, alone in the house with the Xbox on, gifts and wrapping paper spread out on the floor, food prep and seasonings out on the kitchen counter, eating a bag of chips: "I may have committed to too many things at once."

Welp, I am ready to spend the rest of this day silently screaming into the abyss.  Or playing Xbox. Not fully decided yet.

-Ryan