January 2026 Joke Round-Up

  Holy shit, just seeing my first joke from last month made me realize how absolutely chock full of fuckery January was because with the latest Epstein file drop, the murdering of people in the street, the kidnapping of 5-year old’s, etc I totally forgot that Venezuela also happened this month. In things that were not awful reminders of the downfall of this country, I personally kicked off the month with some outdoor hockey with my yearly Winter Classic tournament and ended it with Wing Fling, so that was pretty cool.  Started playing a pirate game too and as I’m thinking about it right at this moment, I don’t know if I am actually still enjoying the game or just hyper-focused on grinding out the next ship upgrade.  I need more dubloons and purified saltpeter.  Let’s wrap this shit up and look at the jokes.

1/3

Watching this press conference about the US invading a sovereign nation.

1/5

Driving the family van and singing along to angsty pop-punk songs from the 00s is my vibe

1/6

Any time there is a post about American democracy, you can 100% tell who never passed 8th grade social studies by the fact that they excitedly hop into the comments to say "We're a republic, not a democracy!!"

1/6

Imagine that 5 years ago we all sat down and watched the same episode of Friends. And then the president not only denied the events of the episode we all collectively watched, but made an official government website about how what we all witnessed didn't actually happen and that Ross didn't actually sleep with the girl from the copy shop. And even though we definitely all watched the episode and know that he did sleep with her, supporters of the president all decided to just ignore the reality we all experienced and parrot his blatantly false claim that Ross didn't sleep with the copy shop girl.  Man, that would definitely require some weird-ass mental gymnastics.

1/9

I dreamt that I was watching some new TV show and there was a joke I thought was so funny that the rest of the dream was me telling other people to watch this hilarious show.

Unfortunately, upon waking up I could not remember the joke and I'm actually kind of wondering if the joke I can't remember ever even really existed or was just a plot point my brain used to push forward the rest of the dream.

1/9

Having an impact on those around me.

1/13

I feel like I should be drinking rum while I play this pirate game. For the immersion.

1/16

I guess there were snow flurries last night, but it really looks like the Winchester brothers wanted to make sure no demons got into our vehicles.

1/22

Can someone please explain to me why dudes have this obsession with starting new business pages and posting shit like "WE'VE ALL HAD OUR BATTLES AND EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE HOBBLED US, WE PERSEVERE THROUGH KNOWING THAT THE WE CAN NEVER BE BROKEN.  GOD SMILED ON ME AND TAUGHT ME THE CALL OF THE WILD THAT I CROON IN UNISON WITH MY BROTHERS. THAT'S WHAT (insert lame brand name) IS ALL ABOUT AND WHY WE SELL TSHIRTS”

Yeah, pretty shitty month for jokes. Gonna go check in on my pirate game now.

Ryan