Thursday, December 1, 2022

November 2022 Joke Round-Up

               I don’t know why, but this month felt extremely long.  I was going back to grab the jokes I’d posted from the beginning of the month and was legitimately surprised to see some of them were from this month.  And what that really means is that I am just surprised that the whole bleached hair thing was not longer ago.  Mostly, I think I just want to mentally distance myself from the blonde hair and blonde soul patch thing that happened while I was shaving.  Anyways, these are some jokes.
Halloween being over is pretty depressing because now I'm no longer Guy Fieri, I'm just a dad in his mid-thirties with bleached blonde hair and a weird goatee.
I shaved off the Guy Fieri goatee and now I look like I'm ready to be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned.
I'm just trying to make the most of this hair.

In between Flavortown and The Black Parade I did make a momentary stop off at whatever this abomination is.

Me when another car and I both pull up to a 4-way stop at the exact same time:

When you see all the dummies regurgitating the nonsense claim that schools are putting in litter boxes for students that identify as cats, it really helps you understand how so many people got duped into sending money to Nigerian "princes".
I do have to say, seeing Darren Bailey and Tom DeVore taking Ls in these Illinois election results is really just:

*waking up to see snow covering the ground*
Me: "Unsubscribe."
Just an important message right now with Thanksgiving approaching, but truly relevant all year round:
Sweet potatoes can fuck all the way off.
When donating blood there is a sweet spot where you are hydrated enough that your veins are easily accessible, but not so hydrated that you have to do the potty-dance in the middle of your donation.
I have yet to find that sweet spot, but I do believe it exists.
There is a direct correlation between people who have on Fox News during Thanksgiving dinner and people who put bland-ass macaroni on the table.
No matter how much leftovers I am trying to put away, I can guarantee that I will pick the wrong size tupperware for it.
If there's one thing you can be sure of in life, it's that the more someone complains about their "freedom of speech" being violated the less they understand what the 1st amendment actually protects.
               Well, it’s cold now, the time change has happened so it’s dark at like 4:30 pm, we’ve snow a couple of times, and there’s already a bunch of absolute morons acting like they’re not allowed to say “Merry Christmas” anymore because faking oppression is the only personality they know.  Everything is ass and I hate it.  Let’s just keep barreling headfirst into the end of this year and hope that it is spring soon.

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