Somehow at the end of each month I am both pleasantly surprised and completely disappointed in the quantity of jokes I’ve written for the month. It’s a weird mix. In general, as I approach the end of the month I am almost completely convinced that I’ve only written like 3 or 4 jokes for the month. In reality, I seem to have pretty consistently hit on around 10ish the last few months. So, while I am pleasantly surprised that I had more than I initially thought, I am also disappointed that apparently I only get a spark of creativity once every 3 days. On the bright side, that makes the round-ups very easy to put together and limits the amount of time you, dear imaginary reader, must spend reading these. So here are those few jokes.
Dustin: "Are we the same person? What color are your eyes?"
I love to sing and I really like making it everybody else's problem.
Turkey bacon's only reason for existing is to be a disappointment.
My kids and I were at the movies last night when a tornado warning went off and we had to shelter in place. And honestly, if I'm gonna be stuck somewhere for a while I'm not mad about it being a place that has loads of buttery popcorn available.
I have achieved full understanding of Pavlov's Dog. All I have to do is make a pot of coffee and suddenly I need to go to the bathroom.
I am standing in my yard wearing a tie dye shirt that says "Be Kind" while yelling at my kids because Henry threw Abby's shoe on the roof.
According to the members of my local community page, this is a historically accurate depiction of the writing of the Constitution.
It's a little weird to make new friends with the parents of my children's friends. Not that there's anything wrong with them It's just that the rest of my friends have been around so long that I don't usually have to worry about whether or not it's okay to fart around them.
I am very helpful.
Again, very helpful.
I was not put on this earth to give a shit about lawn maintenance.
Wow, what a nice, short walk down memory lane for this month’s jokes. Join me next month for what could be anywhere from 3 to 12 jokes once again.