October '24 Joke Round-Up

  Taking a PTO day from work on a Thursday but not also taking Friday off feels dumb.  I could have given myself an extra long weekend but instead I have broken up my week and will likely make Friday feel very confusingly like a Monday.  What an obnoxious thing for me to be complaining about.  Here’s something worth complaining about: on Oct. 3rd I wrote a joke about the shitty tasting medicine I was taking while feeling sick; and here I am at the end of the month still coughing.  I can’t recall a time in my life that I got sick and didn’t have a lingering cough for three to four weeks afterwards; it’s great.  How about these jokes though?

10/2

Sometimes I throw together a pretty impressive dinner from odds and ends and I think to myself "I could probably hold my own in an amateur cooking competition."  Then I remember that my knife skills are shit and I'd still be trying to dice an onion while everyone else is plating.

10/3

I've been under the weather this week.  My wife picked this up at the pharmacy to help me function and I gotta say, if I didn't know better I would think there had been a horrible mistake at the bottling facility because this shit tastes like I'm drinking floor cleaner. Imagine opening a jar of Vick's Vaporub and eating it with a spoon like yogurt.  Absolutely awful, I'd almost rather just keep feeling like shit than take this stuff.

10/7

When my wife tells me in the morning that she didn't hear me come home from hockey at 1 a.m., it gives me a bit of comfort that she probably also does not hear me making myself snacks at midnight every other night of the week.

10/11

Pretty sure this is how my kids would live if I didn't spend all day every day telling them to pick up their trash.

10/18

Election season on social media is a great way to find out which people you know are definitely not smarter than a 5th grader.

10/19

I feel like the speed at which bread gets moldy is highly dependent on whether or not I want to make a sandwich.

10/22

This very upset man-child in my DMs believes that me posting info about early voting in my town makes me a biased piece of shit and is going to make his own group, presumably named "Angry Idiots Overreacting About Nothing."

We are days away from a very important election that is giving me a lot of anxiety due to the fact that people in general tend to be embarrassingly stupid, as evidenced by that last screenshot.  I wonder how I’ll be feeling when it’s time to write my next joke round-up.  

-Ryan