Thursday, January 26, 2017

Foreign Policy

                It’s been a while since I’ve written anything.  That’s my bad.  Realistically, I look at my list of stories that I still need to write and then I decide that Netflix seems like a better option because words are hard and the couch is soft.  I have, however, been pretty vocal politically lately (as you may have seen from some of my jokes) so I thought I might get in a quick story that’s in that vein.

                Have you ever had a buddy that is very motivated to talk about politics, but at the same time seemingly uninclined to actually know much about politics?  Here’s a story about one of those situations from many years ago (somewhere in the neighborhood of 8) about my buddy LP (from Fridge Cleaning) and another friend of ours that we’ll call Bud to protect his identity.  The 3 of us were hanging out one night having a few beers when a political conversation started up (as it tends to happen when people are enjoying alcoholic beverages).    I honestly can’t remember how the conversation started, but that’s not really the important part, so I’ll pick up with where I tuned in at.

Bud: “Well fuck ‘em.  We’re America, the most powerful country in the world.  Anyone that doesn’t like it can get bombed to hell.”
LP: “But what about Latveria?”
Bud: “Latveria?”
LP: “Yeah, Latveria.  We can’t bomb them.  They’ve got satellites that can shoot missiles right out of the sky with laser beams.  Only 2 countries on earth have that technology.  Us and Latveria.”
Bud: “Well that definitely makes them dangerous.”
LP: “They actually shared the technology with us.  Dr. Doom created the laser satellites and we entered a treaty with them to share the technology.  They’re one of our strongest allies now.”
Bud: “Well, obviously we’re not going to break that treaty and go after a great ally like Latveria.”
LP: “Obviously.”

                I will say, I don’t have a great poker face (which is why I can neither play poker, nor act like I’m not the one who farted), but this is really the only time in my life that I can remember not just losing my mind and cluing the victim in on the joke.  We never alerted Bud to the fact that he was duped into honoring a treaty with an entirely fictional country, but I ran into LP a few weeks ago and almost right away he leaned in and said under his breath to me, “But what about Latveria?”

A true diplomat


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