Oof, this was not a good month
for me from a joke standpoint (at least quantity-wise, presumably they’re all
pretty rough months quality-wise). Aside
from my poor effort at joke-writing, October was a damn decent month: hockey
season started, I got a new nephew, I officially adopted my kids (which I haven’t
written a joke about…yet). And then there’s
the fun things I did get to write jokes about, like using the word girth and
uncomfortable amount with my wife and also escaping responsibility for my farts
by blaming my COVID booster. Neat.
10/5
Someone on one of my work calls today told me that I had a
good voice for radio. I told them that I normally only hear that about my face.
10/6
*Seeing my wife looking at
pictures of hair on her phone*
Me: "Whatcha doing?"
Wife: "Looking at
hairstyles. I like the length I have but am thinking of changing the"
Me: "Girth?"
Wife: "No. Anyways, I'm
kind of thinking of some layering that will keep the length but not
the..."
Me: "Girth?"
Wife: "STOP SAYING
GIRTH!"
10/7
Abigail: "I'm the smartest.
I can answer any question."
Me: "Really? Who wrote the
Pythagorean Theroem?"
Henry: "Tom Brady."
I don't even watch football so I
have no idea where this kid comes up with this shit.
10/11
Watching The Price Is Right with the family. My wife enjoys
when one contestant bids close enough to win both prize packages in the
showcase showdown. I enjoy it when they both overbid and nobody wins a prize.
This really does a great job of summarizing our personalities.
10/20
Hanging out in the Mushroom Kingdom.
10/21
I got eaten by a fish while looking for a princess.
10/23
I am proud to say that my kids
like my cooking (no small feat!) but sometimes I think they overestimate my
proficiency in the kitchen.
Abby: "Do you think you
could be on Guy's Grocery Games?"
Me: "I could absolutely be
on the show. I'd go down as the worst contestant in the history of the show,
but I could at least be in attendance."
10/26
Just a normal family
conversation in my house.
Me: "I have a really bad
headache."
Wife: "Make it stop."
Me: "I know how to stop
it." *covers face with pillow*
Daughter: "How does
covering your face with a pillow help?"
Wife: "He's trying to
suffocate himself."
Daughter: "Wow. Good
job."
10/28
My wife and I got our COVID booster shots yesterday, so for
at least the next few days I'm going to blame every dumb or annoying thing I do
on the vaccine. For example, last night I told her that me farting in bed was a
side effect of the shot.
10/30
Somewhere in an internet comments section right now, one of
the dumbest people you know is typing "Let's go Brandon" and thinking
they're clever for it.
10/31
Friendly reminder to check your kids Halloween candy tonight.
Not because there might be drugs in there (nobody is giving away their edibles
to kids for funsies) but because there might be some garbage like black
licorice in there that nobody should be subjected to.
That joke
making fun of people commenting “let’s go Brandon” really got one rando big mad
in my comments section, so that was fun, too.
We’re getting close to the holidays now so I’m looking forward to all
the terrible dietary choices that entails.
Perhaps my belly will get so big that my arms won’t reach the
keyboard. I’m tired already just
thinking about it.
-Ryan
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