Saturday, October 1, 2022

September 2022 Joke Round-Up

               It is October.  On the one hand, that means hockey is back.  On the other hand, that means we are now officially in the complete shitfest of a season that is fall, barreling stupidly towards the equally (if not more so) shitty season of winter.  It’s getting cold and it’s getting dark earlier and I hate it.  But you knew this already because part of who I am fundamentally as a person is to endlessly complain about how much I hate those seasons; it’s core to my being.  But back to the positive, hockey is back. And speaking of hockey, after news that the league I was playing in was going to fold, I have become a co-commissioner of that league in order to help it continue existing, so that is new and fun.  We actually start our new season tomorrow and I am hoping to actually be cleared to play from my knee injury within the next few month as well.  And as you can see from the jokes about both physical and mental therapy, I appear to be doing just fine.
I was chatting with some co-workers about how much I love the functionality of MS Excel (nerd!). Then I busted out this bad boy on them.
One of my favorite things to do as a dad is to sneak foods that the kids claim to hate (onions, mushrooms, etc.) into the dishes I make for dinner and watch them happily chow it down, completely oblivious.
When you get a new microwave and are about to try out the "Popcorn" button on a bag of microwave popcorn for the first time...
My wife was laying on the floor trying to play with one of the dogs. I thought the visual looked familiar...


I know some people are concerned about Mercury being in retrograde, but my living room lamp is angled to the southwest, so in the land of made-up nonsense I think it all cancels out.
If you wax and curl your mustache, then I assume that you also tie women to train tracks.
I had no idea I could earn tickets or prizes for this. I've spent my life doing it just for the hit of dopamine.

Came across this ad last night while I was up late, unable to sleep. Thought it wasn't quite on the nose enough, so I touched it up a bit for the sake of accuracy.

I do not understand how Renaissance Faires work. Can you just show up dressed as the king? If multiple people do this, are they obligated to go to war?
This afternoon I have physical therapy on my knee, followed by donating blood, and then a CPR class. So today is a delicate balance of eating and drinking enough that I don't pass out donating blood while also not overdoing it to the point that I vomit during my PT exercises. And making sure I am still awake for CPR.
Also need to make sure I keep all of the scheduling straight because I'm only supposed to bleed at one of those places.
When your office is downstairs but you just had leg day.

The American Idiot album came out in 2004. So the song Wake Me Up When September Ends has been around for 18 years now.
At this point, repeating the "wake up that guy from Green Day" joke has the exact same energy as telling the cashier "guess that means it's free!" when an item won't scan.
               I had a couple of consistent strings of daily jokes there.  Nice, look at me go.  Don’t get used to that though, I like to keep expectations low.  Of course, if you are reading this at all, you likely already have exceedingly low expectations for me, so I think we’re okay.

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