As of the time that I am posting this entry, I was supposed to be out on a date. Supposed to be. Obviously, I wouldn’t be taking the time to post this if that were the case. It’s not necessary to get into the details; I’ll skip over everything that is either not relevant or not funny. Basically, a date was agreed upon, then before the day of the actual date it was called off (I wasn’t stood up, I’m not that much of a sad sack…maybe). What was funny about that was that I got a text calling off the date, and literally within the next minute my buddy Joel asked me if I was looking forward date I had coming up. “Well, funny you should mention that, Joel, because as of 30 seconds before you asked me, I don’t have a date.”
What really sucks most about this is that, because I didn’t even go out on the date, I don’t have a terrible and awkward experience to write about such as with First (And Last) Date and Shitty Date. I mean, historically, dates have provided me with a ton of material based solely on the fact that I’m borderline incapable of non-awkward human interactions. I’m most upset for my readers, who sadly find themselves without a hilariously cringe-worthy new date story (which is why I’m kind of using this post to just advertise some of my other posts, it’s an easy update!).
In all reality, this works out better for everyone. If you’ve read my 9 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Date Me, you’ll totally understand that she made the right call and dodged a bullet (I could have ruined her entire 2015). And since I was prepared to buy 2 dinners tonight that just means that I get to eat twice as much (fat kid status!). The waiter has also been really nice too, so I’ll definitely be giving him a good tip; making it a solid night for him, too. I suppose I forgot to mention that, despite the cancellation of the date, I still went out to eat at the restaurant I had planned on. And I’m still pretty damn determined to enjoy this delicious meal. I’ve got 2 plates of food and a candle in front of me on the table. And I didn’t have to choose between the chicken and the beef. I got both.
The waiter seemed concerned when I
asked to have this picture taken.