So, I mentioned in
my previous post that a girl asked me out and then subsequently shot me
down. And because I assume you have been
anxiously waiting to hear this saga of ridiculousness, I figured I should go
ahead and get it out of the way. To the
girl who this story is about: No hard feelings and I mean no disrespect, but
you have to realize how ridiculous this whole situation is. I don’t even think she reads this blog (which
is probably part of why things didn't work out), but I have to walk a fine line with sharing the
ridiculous stories of my life and not hurting anyone’s feelings.
The whole thing
starts off innocently enough. The girl
is someone that I’ve known for several years through another friend, but we
never really spoke much outside of wishing each other happy birthday on Facebook
or running into each other once a year at our mutual friend’s birthday party. From here on out in the story, I will be
referring to the female in question as “Girl.”
Well, after one such birthday party, Girl sends me a message saying we
should go out sometime. I find this to
be awesome. Really, this is a huge boost
to my ego and at this point I’m strutting around my apartment feeling pretty
sexy and full of myself (fuck you, I don’t get asked out much, let me enjoy my
moment in the sun). A few days later we
go out on a date.
I thought the date went pretty well, but what the fuck
do I know? And the reason I say that is
because a couple of days later when I asked her on a second date she stalled
for a while before finally telling me she’s not trying to date anyone. Just wanna be single and focus on me,” WHICH
IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE SHE’S THE ONE THAT ASKED ME OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE! For real, I know that’s just a line that you
use when you don’t want to go on a date with someone because I’ve used that
line before (this may be karma). But I’m
a grown up, I’ve faced rejection before and it was only one date so I’m not
letting this bother me. I do the most
grown up thing I can think of and respond with, “That’s cool. I was just trying to grab some dinner.” With that, I went about my life content with
our friendship status returning to its previous form: wishing each other happy
birthday and seeing one another at get-togethers with our mutual friend; maybe
we’d occasionally talk more, but there are many levels of friendship with
various frequencies of communication and she’s on a starter-pack at the moment
so I’m not trying to see at what point Verizon revokes my Unlimited Text plan
due to me talking to her constantly.
It would seem that she did not have the same ideas on
friendship and communication because as soon as I was okay with returning to
our aforementioned friendship level, she began blowing up my phone, which is
weird to me because unless you’re close to me, I don’t just text people for no
reason; I will send my good friends random bullshit, non-sequiturs and occasionally
texts that only say “poop,” but again, she was no on that level so I was caught
off guard by the constant barrage of texts from her. She kept texting me and hounding me about
hanging out again for a while after that and I was always busy because, despite
what an awkward and terrible person I am, I actually have a pretty full social
schedule. One night in particular, I was
on my way to a concert and I got yet another text asking when we were going to
hang out. I sent back a slightly
spiteful but (in my opinion) mostly funny response that said, “I’m trying to
focus on myself and my comedy right now, but I’ll definitely send you an invite
when I make it on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.” Admittedly, this was probably not the best
way to diffuse the situation but I can’t recall a time when I ever have taken
the best course of action in any situation, so it was pretty much par for the
course. Her response to this was to
say, “Damn, okay. Talk about getting shot down,” WHICH I DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT
BECAUSE SHE TOTALLY SHOT ME DOWN FIRST.
Okay, I take that last part back because I did feel
kinda bad about it. I genuinely don’t
like hurting peoples’ feelings, despite how much of an asshole I may seem like
(so, again, if the person this story is about happens to be reading right now,
I want to reiterate that I mean no harm, you’re a wonderful girl and I know you’ll
find a great guy that totally isn’t me).
Anyways, because I did feel bad, after the show ended I sent her a text
saying, “That wasn’t supposed to be rude or anything, but to be fair, you
totally shot me down first. I’m cool
with hanging out as friends sometime but I’ve got a lot going on right now in
my schedule so I’ll have to give you a rain check.” It seemed like she took that well, as she
followed it up with 12 text messages apologizing and telling me that she would
stop harassing me about hanging out and that I should just let her know
whenever I feel like getting together sometime.
All in all, it would seem like things would turn out alright.
My self-congratulatory feelings of success didn’t last
long, as with literally no pause I continued to be inundated by message after
message from Girl, including quite a handful of requests to get together again because
apparently she has no idea what she’s doing or what she wants, but that’s not
my fucking problem; I don’t have time for that.
I respond to her a little bit, but again, we’re not great friends or
anything so I’m not trying to maintain constant communication with her. Like for real, she turned me down after I was
(in my opinion) awesome on that date and then completely forgot about the fact
that she turned me down. We’re all a
little crazy but most of us make a concerted effort to hide that shit from
other people until they’ve invested too much time in us to just walk away from
our stupid, crazy asses. Girl was taking
a decidedly different approach by getting a whole bundle of craziness out right
from the get go and hoping that I was totally cool with it; I wasn’t cool with
it.
Fast forward a few days to that weekend. Girl is texting and snapchatting me
again. She sends me a picture of some
bar that she is at with some caption that was clearly not memorable in the
least. I send back a picture of Knuckles
and myself (because sometimes I’m so desperate for a friend that I hang out
with my roommate). Her response is to
say something complimentary along the lines of cute/awesome pic or something;
you get the idea. And because it’s me
and I freely range between self-confidence and self-loathing, I send back, “Well
yeah, of course. I’m in it.”
That was apparently the wrong response, or possibly
the right one because it was at that point that she decided I was an arrogant
piece of shit. She sent back “cockiness
is SO not attractive.” Well, good news:
I don’t care what you find attractive because you already turned me down and I
have already moved on with my life. In
keeping with my previously established themes of having moved on with my life
and a totally-not-abusive relationship with alcohol, I sent back a picture of
the cocktail I was drinking and said, “Alcohol still likes me.” At this point, I’m not trying to be mean, but
this obnoxious scenario has been playing out for a few weeks since the original
date and subsequent snubbing, so my patience for the whole thing is wearing
just a bit thin. I’m also kind of
naturally a smartass/jokester (as you may have noticed on this lovely blog that
I maintain), so I didn’t feel like I was acting in any way out of the ordinary
from what I usually do. With that being
said, I can now tell you that her next message asked me what I was doing, and
since I’d already sent her a picture of me and Knuckles hanging out and a
picture of an alcoholic beverage, I thought what I was doing was pretty
self-explanatory so I sent back a picture of my smiling face with the caption “Fun
things.”
Let me reiterate that I don’t think I said anything
inherently assholeish or out of the ordinary (maybe my every day personality is
assholeish?). But at this point she was
totally done with me. She took offense
to that last message (of my SMILING face) and sent back, “Well since you’re
being rude and seem annoyed to talk to me, I won’t talk to you anymore. Bye.”
Now, I try not to go out of my way to piss people off, so I did feel a
little bad that I had upset her, even though it wasn’t intentional. On the other hand, for the first time in
several weeks, I had some sweet relief from the unnecessarily high number of
text messages that I had been receiving from a person who was supposedly not
interested in me. It’s also worth
mentioning that our mutual friend also told me that Girl texted her letting her
know that she was “so done” and “over me” because I’m “just cocky and rude.” So, it was also nice that a solid month after
turning me down she finally had decided that she didn’t like me.
-Ryan
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